Anger

All that I seem to be feeling lately is a system of angerr. The only times that I have been able to not feel that way is when I have been helping people. I guess that it leads me to believe that this is my only real path in life. To be honest it seems like that is the only joy that I am able to find in life. I just wish that I could find a happiness in life that is not based upon anyone else in this world. I mean so much of what I want in life is truly based upon other people. Ya know that feeling of being with someone, the feeling that someone cares about me more than anyone else on an equal level. It's not that I know that I am not special, but rather it is simply that I am unique. I realize this more and more that honestly there is no one in the world who is like me. That kinda just makes me just feel alone. The lack of anyone finding me "special" just saddens me. So anger fills me all of the time. But more and more I guess that I just realize that I will forever simply remain alone. Meh, I guess that it just isn't importnat any more and I should just stop bitching and whining. After all its all that I do, or at least all that I can do well.

Family and anger

No those are not the two things that I am associating but rather I have family up for the weekend and that will be interesting. But I am finding that I have a real problem lately with my anger issue. I mean I am in control of it but that I am getting waaay too angry at things when I shouldn't be needing to. I don't know about that but I just want something good to happen. I know that we have to look for the little things that happen in life and those are the things that are most important to us all but at the same time I really wish that I could have something big and unexpected happen. But then again if I am waiting for them all the time then it never will. I guess that I am just dearing myself to be alone for the rest of my life. I really don't think that anyone else will havev me or rather deserves the torture of having me the rest of their lives. But alas I am finding that helping people is again the bane and savior of my existence. I am able to lose all of my problems in those peoples lives. But it adds more stress. Alas who knows. But I miss everyone that is away right now soooo much. Honestly lately it feels like I have no friends here, though I know that is true it is more that I am honestly afraid to let them get close, or they really don't want to. Who knows.