Monday, December 03, 2007
So....Yeah...
So life keeps kicking ya, or at least that is just how it seems. I have just gotten back from the hospital, well the E.R. to be honest. My grandmother had to go into emergency surgery tonight. She had what was initially thought to be a hole in her colon, which she just felt tonight as well. The doctors took her into surgery and found that the hole was really in her stomach and so they managed to "stitch" it up. She is going to be in the hospital for what looks like a week or so to recuperate from the event. It just came out of nowhere to be honest. She was totally fine earlier today and then the moment that I got back home, i got the phone call that my family was heading to the E.R. But, really, just how much of this shit is any one person or family supposed to take? Ahh, who knows, guess that this is more for the news than really any thoughts at all.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
About to loose it
Not too sure if anyone reads this but I guess that it makes it a prime place for everything I guess. For those of you who do read this, how is your life going? First and most important thing I want you to go and give your parent(s) a huge hug, just say thank you for making to this point in your lives. I will come back to the importance of this in a second. I am going to be basically dumping alot of stuff here right now and forgive me if it seems like a lot in a little space. So early this summer I went in for what was to be my second to last checkup on the ankle. Basically both the doctors and myself had reached the point that it has healed about as much as it is going to and the only way that it is going to get 100 percent would be to totally reinjure the thing again. Not something that I wanted to do. However, during the standard checkup stuff my blood pressure was high, like scary stroke or heartattack high. The doctor recommended that I went and see someone for it. Alright, I will admit that I kind of blew it off as nothing, after all I'm Irish, temper and high blood pressure just go together. But my parents won out, and off to the doctor we went. The doctor sent me in for some blood tests, to see if it was a temporary or a genetic thing. Hypertension, i.e. cardiovascular disease and high blood pressure, runs in my family. And it runs in me. So I am on medication to fix that. Not a real biggie, avoid over sodium stuff. No problem right. Well then that test also figured out something interesting, I am a type 2 diabetic. For those not down with the lingo that means that I don't need insulin, but my body has a hard time processing the sugars that I eat. For reference again at this point my blood sugar level was 384 at this point. 86-100ish is normal. So a new regime took over me, soda was out the window. No more dew, thats right none. It has been a total life change, but in the span of just under 2 months with the help of medication I have dropped my blood sugar by 280 points, and now am down to 104. This even surprised my doctor. Added bonus was all of the weight that I have been losing as well. Since I am too poor for new jeans I couldn't begin to tell you how many pants sizes I have gone down, but my belt is too big for me right now, its on it's last little notch which is holding up pants way too big for me. So this is a good thing, kinda, I would kill for a piece of dark chocolate right now, you have no idea.
This pretty much brings us up to speed to this week. Minus all of the fun of moving again and the bills involved in that. But now we move into this week. School is started and getting into the flow of that and a new job, I have moved into the position of Games Manager at the Wood Center. My mom calls me tues afternoon just after noon, asking me to come and get her to take her to her car. My dad was laid off by the railroad, she manages to get that info. However, he is taking it really hard, literally he is only saying like 5 different words, one at a time. "Boy" "geeze" "right" "no" "yeah". I meet my mom at brewsters over by the bentley mall at about 15 after noon on that day, where I begin to take her to her car which is over at van horn road Sourdough Fuels. She urges me to call my dad to see if I can get any info out of him, maybe he will open up to me. So I call as we drive over there, and the whole conversation is pretty much those five words from him in different random ways. I drop mom off at her car around 12:30 and then we both head up to my parents place. We get there about 1ish. My dad is sitting down in a chair by my parents television. Mom and I start talking to him, he still cannot talk properly, but appears to be in a state of shock. We manage to figure out that he has been served papers terminating his employment at the Alaska Railroad. We figure our that he has gotten hurt again, his right hand is pretty puffy and his ankle is black and blue. Mom asks him to get up to see if he can walk and he manages, stiffly though. His talking still remains the problem. He can recognize this issue that he is having but seems to be in control of is motor controls (i.e. he can smile fully, move his arms and legs and apparently has feeling in them). I go down to find the papers that he got served from the Railroad and they say something to the extent that he is hereby terminated immediatly, even though they must have been served to him midway through his shift that day. Very very abrupt language. My father then goes to take a shower, I give my mother the papers and go down to see my grandmother who has just gotten home, by this time it is around 2p.m. on tues. I chat a little bit with my grandmother avoiding telling her about my dad's inability to speak but conveying what has happened to him about work. Mind you my father has never been fired, that I know of, and laid off once because the company at the time, which is now where O.K. Lumber is, was closing. I come back upstairs to see how he is down to find him wrapped up in an blanket with my mom cold packing his ankle and hand. It comes time for me to leave to go to my next class, well a little early, about 3:30p.m. with my class starting at 5. I could not miss this class as it is my CCNA class, though I missed my earlier class that day. Throughout the rest of the night I keep in touch with my family with no real change in my dad, I talked to him on the phone during breaks with my CCNA class, and then tell mom that if nothing changes by tomorrow, Weds. 9/12, that she should take him to the doctors. I went home after class and eventually manage to get to bed. Weds comes around and I am awoken by my work asking me to come in, this is about 8:30 in the morning. I get out of bed, throw on some clothes and head to work. En route I call my mom to check up on my dad, where she tells me that she is taking dad to the doctors as he still cannot speak right. I asked if she wanted me to meet her and she tells me that she will call me and let me know what is going on. I arrive to work just after 9:30. My mother calls me about 30 minutes later to let me know that an abulence is coming for dad, who is at Tanana Valley's First Care, to take him to the Emergency Room where they are going to rund more tests. I ask her to keep me updating on what is going on. A while later she calls to let me know that they have run several tests, EKG, Blood Work, and are going to do an MRI. Again I ask her to keep me in the loop and I will be there at the first sign that they need me. A while goes by, this is just before 2, and I recieve a call from my mom, my father has had a stroke. I clock out of work and head for the ER. I arrive at the emergency room just around 2:30p.m. I go in to talk to mom and to see dad where she tells me that he is going to be admitted to the hospital. I settle down to wait with them. Two hours go by and they still have not admitted him, nor have I seen any sign of the doctor, though the nurses have come in and out to check on him and give us updates. Mom and I reach the conclusion that I am going to go and get my Grandmother and if he is moved then she will call me. I leave the ER just after 4 and head to my parents home to get my grandmother. I pick her up and we arrive back at the ER just before 5p.m. My cousin Stebbie is also there. Apparently more tests were ordered by the doctor and dad gets taken off to a sonogram and a ultrasound. We wait in one of the ER's waiting rooms and about an hour or so later dad re-emerges from the tests. He is going to be admitted to the Intensive Care Unit so that they can observe him. With more tests to come tomorrow. We follow dad into the ICU and then wait while they settle him in. Grandma and I go in first at 6:50 where we spend 10 minutes or so with dad then the shift change comes on and we are ushered out. We cannot get back in until 8 so with mom staying the night there at the hospital with dad, grandma and I head to my place where I can pick up a few things as I am going to stay at my parents to take care of grandma. I call mom on her cell at 9ish when I have gotten my stuff and gotten grandma settled as much as possible downstairs. Dad still cannot talk properly, I tell him that I love him and he replies, "yeah, yeah". So tomorrow I have to go to classes with my father being in the hospital with even more tests being run. Though I am going to see him before I go to class, taking grandma back with me. Not sure if they are going to keep him another night, but if so, I know that I will be at my parents to make sure that grandma is alright as well.
Thats pretty much the low down on what happened. However, if you have never met my father, I guess that you just can't imagine how much this is effecting everyone, myself included. My father is one of the strongest men I have ever met, however is also a man who is quick with help, and a joke. Granted it might not always be in good taste, but the joke and smile is there. To see him tied up to all of those monitors, not able to talk, it seriously has almost broken me. I will be honest, whenever I am alone, which hasn't been much, I have been tearing up, or out right crying. So many things have happened that I can feel them being etched into my memory. I am grateful for the friends and family who have been there. I think that so many know that the one way that I have been keeping sane is to be strong for them. I know that if I should break down, it falls apart. I cannot distract my mother from being at the place she needs to be, in more ways than one, at my father's side. My father needs me to be strong, no matter what, so he can believe in a full recovery if it can happen. Hell I need to feel that he can fully recover. The anger that I have for the Alaska Railroad is great. They are responsible for this, or the catalyst none the less. He just seems to be trapped, in himself, and for my father it is almost a state of torture. Granted he might not always be talking about stuff you want to talk about, like politics, but his voice, that deep voice, is almost always there. A constant in life, and now to even hear him talk, that voice isn't the same. I just want him better and I know that the road ahead is just very very long. For those that know my father, please call, let him hear your voices in support for his healing, for his recovery, speedy and full. If you don't know a number, call me, I can tell you a number, or an e-mail to send.
This pretty much brings us up to speed to this week. Minus all of the fun of moving again and the bills involved in that. But now we move into this week. School is started and getting into the flow of that and a new job, I have moved into the position of Games Manager at the Wood Center. My mom calls me tues afternoon just after noon, asking me to come and get her to take her to her car. My dad was laid off by the railroad, she manages to get that info. However, he is taking it really hard, literally he is only saying like 5 different words, one at a time. "Boy" "geeze" "right" "no" "yeah". I meet my mom at brewsters over by the bentley mall at about 15 after noon on that day, where I begin to take her to her car which is over at van horn road Sourdough Fuels. She urges me to call my dad to see if I can get any info out of him, maybe he will open up to me. So I call as we drive over there, and the whole conversation is pretty much those five words from him in different random ways. I drop mom off at her car around 12:30 and then we both head up to my parents place. We get there about 1ish. My dad is sitting down in a chair by my parents television. Mom and I start talking to him, he still cannot talk properly, but appears to be in a state of shock. We manage to figure out that he has been served papers terminating his employment at the Alaska Railroad. We figure our that he has gotten hurt again, his right hand is pretty puffy and his ankle is black and blue. Mom asks him to get up to see if he can walk and he manages, stiffly though. His talking still remains the problem. He can recognize this issue that he is having but seems to be in control of is motor controls (i.e. he can smile fully, move his arms and legs and apparently has feeling in them). I go down to find the papers that he got served from the Railroad and they say something to the extent that he is hereby terminated immediatly, even though they must have been served to him midway through his shift that day. Very very abrupt language. My father then goes to take a shower, I give my mother the papers and go down to see my grandmother who has just gotten home, by this time it is around 2p.m. on tues. I chat a little bit with my grandmother avoiding telling her about my dad's inability to speak but conveying what has happened to him about work. Mind you my father has never been fired, that I know of, and laid off once because the company at the time, which is now where O.K. Lumber is, was closing. I come back upstairs to see how he is down to find him wrapped up in an blanket with my mom cold packing his ankle and hand. It comes time for me to leave to go to my next class, well a little early, about 3:30p.m. with my class starting at 5. I could not miss this class as it is my CCNA class, though I missed my earlier class that day. Throughout the rest of the night I keep in touch with my family with no real change in my dad, I talked to him on the phone during breaks with my CCNA class, and then tell mom that if nothing changes by tomorrow, Weds. 9/12, that she should take him to the doctors. I went home after class and eventually manage to get to bed. Weds comes around and I am awoken by my work asking me to come in, this is about 8:30 in the morning. I get out of bed, throw on some clothes and head to work. En route I call my mom to check up on my dad, where she tells me that she is taking dad to the doctors as he still cannot speak right. I asked if she wanted me to meet her and she tells me that she will call me and let me know what is going on. I arrive to work just after 9:30. My mother calls me about 30 minutes later to let me know that an abulence is coming for dad, who is at Tanana Valley's First Care, to take him to the Emergency Room where they are going to rund more tests. I ask her to keep me updating on what is going on. A while later she calls to let me know that they have run several tests, EKG, Blood Work, and are going to do an MRI. Again I ask her to keep me in the loop and I will be there at the first sign that they need me. A while goes by, this is just before 2, and I recieve a call from my mom, my father has had a stroke. I clock out of work and head for the ER. I arrive at the emergency room just around 2:30p.m. I go in to talk to mom and to see dad where she tells me that he is going to be admitted to the hospital. I settle down to wait with them. Two hours go by and they still have not admitted him, nor have I seen any sign of the doctor, though the nurses have come in and out to check on him and give us updates. Mom and I reach the conclusion that I am going to go and get my Grandmother and if he is moved then she will call me. I leave the ER just after 4 and head to my parents home to get my grandmother. I pick her up and we arrive back at the ER just before 5p.m. My cousin Stebbie is also there. Apparently more tests were ordered by the doctor and dad gets taken off to a sonogram and a ultrasound. We wait in one of the ER's waiting rooms and about an hour or so later dad re-emerges from the tests. He is going to be admitted to the Intensive Care Unit so that they can observe him. With more tests to come tomorrow. We follow dad into the ICU and then wait while they settle him in. Grandma and I go in first at 6:50 where we spend 10 minutes or so with dad then the shift change comes on and we are ushered out. We cannot get back in until 8 so with mom staying the night there at the hospital with dad, grandma and I head to my place where I can pick up a few things as I am going to stay at my parents to take care of grandma. I call mom on her cell at 9ish when I have gotten my stuff and gotten grandma settled as much as possible downstairs. Dad still cannot talk properly, I tell him that I love him and he replies, "yeah, yeah". So tomorrow I have to go to classes with my father being in the hospital with even more tests being run. Though I am going to see him before I go to class, taking grandma back with me. Not sure if they are going to keep him another night, but if so, I know that I will be at my parents to make sure that grandma is alright as well.
Thats pretty much the low down on what happened. However, if you have never met my father, I guess that you just can't imagine how much this is effecting everyone, myself included. My father is one of the strongest men I have ever met, however is also a man who is quick with help, and a joke. Granted it might not always be in good taste, but the joke and smile is there. To see him tied up to all of those monitors, not able to talk, it seriously has almost broken me. I will be honest, whenever I am alone, which hasn't been much, I have been tearing up, or out right crying. So many things have happened that I can feel them being etched into my memory. I am grateful for the friends and family who have been there. I think that so many know that the one way that I have been keeping sane is to be strong for them. I know that if I should break down, it falls apart. I cannot distract my mother from being at the place she needs to be, in more ways than one, at my father's side. My father needs me to be strong, no matter what, so he can believe in a full recovery if it can happen. Hell I need to feel that he can fully recover. The anger that I have for the Alaska Railroad is great. They are responsible for this, or the catalyst none the less. He just seems to be trapped, in himself, and for my father it is almost a state of torture. Granted he might not always be talking about stuff you want to talk about, like politics, but his voice, that deep voice, is almost always there. A constant in life, and now to even hear him talk, that voice isn't the same. I just want him better and I know that the road ahead is just very very long. For those that know my father, please call, let him hear your voices in support for his healing, for his recovery, speedy and full. If you don't know a number, call me, I can tell you a number, or an e-mail to send.
Sunday, June 24, 2007
New Look, Maybe New Changes?
Well I have had the same look for this thing since I started blogging. Granted I don't blog a whole lot anymore, though I am going to hopefully be changing that. Just thought that I would do some housecleaning on the site, then Sometime soon I am going to be giving a little more update as to what has been going on. Maybe I can bring myself to talk on here without venting all of the time. Only time shall tell.
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
RSS
Last post from my class
Once you get it set up, using a feed reader can be a very efficient way to view many different web sites and a lot of information. You don't get to see the design of the sites very often, however, and you miss out on all of their advertising... which they may be counting on to stay afloat. Do you care?
Do you find RSS to be useful? Will you keep using an aggregator, like Bloglines? If so, which one?
Actually I prefer to have the information and not the ads when I am online. I have even tried to take great steps to avoid seeing the ads online with a filter. However, I do miss seeing the layout of the site being that I like to see other designers work and see if I can incorporate it into my own design. I like RSS though. I personally download alot of fansubs and it is useful to me to simply RSS them and that way I don't have to check that site all of the time. It is also kind of like reading just the headlines of a newspaper as well. I am able to judge story on the site simply by the title of that particular story. I think that I am going to try and keep the Blogline account that I have going on. I usually manually add all of my RSS feeds and to have a function that puts them at one site, especially when some of the sites that I have added are not sites that I go to all of the time will be interesting to glimpse. It would help to broaden my horizons and that is a good thing after all.
Flickr and del.icio.us
More class posts
You've now used flickr and del.icio.us-- what do you think of them? Did they behave like you expected? Will you keep using one or both of them? What are some of the useful sites and pictures you discovered?
I really like both of them. I can see myself using del.icio.us more than flickr though. I use a similar service already thats called stumbleupon that I really really like. Del.icio.us was much easier to use than I thought. I have seen it alot online and knew something of it but I never really got into it too much. I will use del.icio.us from here on out. I like Flickr and have used it in the past for some work that I have done but I always seem to fall by the wayside with it. It kind of flows in and out of my life but at the same time that is because the photobug does the same thing. I liked alot of the pictures that I have found on flickr and can see them being used in some webdesign projects in the future. I would probably use del.icio.us for exploring sites with similar interests as myself to find things that I ever would have thought.
You've now used flickr and del.icio.us-- what do you think of them? Did they behave like you expected? Will you keep using one or both of them? What are some of the useful sites and pictures you discovered?
I really like both of them. I can see myself using del.icio.us more than flickr though. I use a similar service already thats called stumbleupon that I really really like. Del.icio.us was much easier to use than I thought. I have seen it alot online and knew something of it but I never really got into it too much. I will use del.icio.us from here on out. I like Flickr and have used it in the past for some work that I have done but I always seem to fall by the wayside with it. It kind of flows in and out of my life but at the same time that is because the photobug does the same thing. I liked alot of the pictures that I have found on flickr and can see them being used in some webdesign projects in the future. I would probably use del.icio.us for exploring sites with similar interests as myself to find things that I ever would have thought.
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Wiki Stuff
More class stuff, but if your interested you can still read ;)
Do you see how it can be useful? Have you seen wiki sites before without even knowing it? What else would like to know about wikis?
I can see how useful wiki's are and I use them quite alot really. Wiki sites though always seem to have that fast feeling to them that makes. There are alot of things that interest me about wiki's. I would like to actually follow Microsoft's dealing with Wikipedia in general though.
Do you see how it can be useful? Have you seen wiki sites before without even knowing it? What else would like to know about wikis?
I can see how useful wiki's are and I use them quite alot really. Wiki sites though always seem to have that fast feeling to them that makes. There are alot of things that interest me about wiki's. I would like to actually follow Microsoft's dealing with Wikipedia in general though.
Bloggers and Journalists
Sorry about this for my normal readers but I also wanted to welcome my Communicating with the Web class to this blog and answer some thoughts about blogging. Here are our questions;
Are bloggers journalists? Why or why not? Bloggers have been responsible for breaking and carrying news stories that have resulted in senators losing their jobs and possibly changed the course of the last presidential election. Is that good or bad? Should bloggers have the same rights (to access events, interview, etc) and protections (not to have to reveal their sources) as newspaper and television reporters?
Bloggers as journalists.... hmmm.... well to tell the truth this idea has come up in some other classes and I have stopped to think about this. I would say that they are. In many cases bloggers have more freedom to post stories and in regards to this I would say yes. This is the new age, with information literally flowing from every possible direction. So for example Jim Bob might work for a company with an insight into a story that others might not. Society now has a "insider" in this regard. This is a great thing as a larger pool will allow for society to get closer to the truth rather than simply having one or two people tell us what the "truth" is. However, their real sources should be protected, however proof of some sort should be available upon demand.
Are bloggers journalists? Why or why not? Bloggers have been responsible for breaking and carrying news stories that have resulted in senators losing their jobs and possibly changed the course of the last presidential election. Is that good or bad? Should bloggers have the same rights (to access events, interview, etc) and protections (not to have to reveal their sources) as newspaper and television reporters?
Bloggers as journalists.... hmmm.... well to tell the truth this idea has come up in some other classes and I have stopped to think about this. I would say that they are. In many cases bloggers have more freedom to post stories and in regards to this I would say yes. This is the new age, with information literally flowing from every possible direction. So for example Jim Bob might work for a company with an insight into a story that others might not. Society now has a "insider" in this regard. This is a great thing as a larger pool will allow for society to get closer to the truth rather than simply having one or two people tell us what the "truth" is. However, their real sources should be protected, however proof of some sort should be available upon demand.
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
Tempted, so very tempted
So I guess that it really seems that I only seem to post anything when I need to vent, and I guess that I do it this way when there is no one that I can go to. Well, hold that thought one second, I should say its because I feel like there is no one that I can go to. I mean I know that there is a small faction of people out there whom I feel like I can go to with problems, but they are so few soooooooo few that I guess that I feel like I would wear them out with all of the problems that I have. I mean it just seems like I am behind on the pitches all of the time. Everyone that I feel close enough to has so many problems of their own and I certainly do not want to add to them. Yes it is fair for me to do that. I have broader shoulders than anyone I know so stick that in your pipe and smoke it. Maybe what I am feeling is because of the time of year that it is. Though we are gaining sun I still feel like I am dragging myself out of the darkness. Mostly it is because I am alone. Not lonely thought hat is also the case, but rather I feel alone. Again I know that this is not entirely the truth, but circumstances being what they are for many people, it is truly the only choice. I mean so many people are moving away, and so many throughout the years, that it feels like people are just trying to get as far away as they can from me. Small aspect of my ego I know, not that the world revolves around me, but after so many people leave and I rarely if ever hear from them, a guy starts to think that he is not wanted anymore. That is more the truth than anything that I have heard I guess. Sure when something is going on or going wrong people come to me, and I guess because it i the only chance that I get to see my loved ones or hear from them, I really relish that time, that closeness. There are those that this is not true for, and for that person all that I can say is simply thank you. But I guess that leaves everyone else wanting to use me for something that they want from me. Well almost everyone else. So many people see me in so many different lights that I sometimes forget what color the real brandon is, or maybe brandon is just another color of the author of this blog. That is something that I have not thought of. I guess that I just thought that brandon is the real me. maybe he is a fictitous person. I could be simply angel, though I would probably be happier with that. fenix, don moore, moore, son, cousin, nephew, best friend, closest friend are all parts of me, but I guess that each one seems incomplete. I am all of these parts, as everyone is in life, but for someone to now see me, experience me as all those parts, to share in some, seems impossible. I guess that it is just a rant and vent, but I really just want once to be the sum of my parts and maybe loved for that instead of a side, a face of me. But this comes back circle to the fact that right now, there is no one to share that, or maybe what hurts the most is that no one wants to share that with me, or can at this point. Which just leaves me aonar agus briste.
Thursday, February 01, 2007
So if your reading
Well if you are still reading this then you are hardcore. Well the last semester was ... uh... interesting. Some good moments and some bad, funny I think that there were in fact more bad than good moments. But as life is want to do it moves on, and the times change, improving in some areas and limiting us in others. I find myself more alone than I have ever been in my life. I can actually feel the shell of the armor around me, yet it does not serve to increase my unhappiness. Right now I feel like I am living from moment to moment, trying to see where life takes me. Though through it all I guess that I am still searching for the magic of life again, those perfect moments, the markers by which we count life. But I have faith that they will come, and hopefully with it, magic, and maybe some matters of the heart can be resolved.
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