Tempted, so very tempted

So I guess that it really seems that I only seem to post anything when I need to vent, and I guess that I do it this way when there is no one that I can go to. Well, hold that thought one second, I should say its because I feel like there is no one that I can go to. I mean I know that there is a small faction of people out there whom I feel like I can go to with problems, but they are so few soooooooo few that I guess that I feel like I would wear them out with all of the problems that I have. I mean it just seems like I am behind on the pitches all of the time. Everyone that I feel close enough to has so many problems of their own and I certainly do not want to add to them. Yes it is fair for me to do that. I have broader shoulders than anyone I know so stick that in your pipe and smoke it. Maybe what I am feeling is because of the time of year that it is. Though we are gaining sun I still feel like I am dragging myself out of the darkness. Mostly it is because I am alone. Not lonely thought hat is also the case, but rather I feel alone. Again I know that this is not entirely the truth, but circumstances being what they are for many people, it is truly the only choice. I mean so many people are moving away, and so many throughout the years, that it feels like people are just trying to get as far away as they can from me. Small aspect of my ego I know, not that the world revolves around me, but after so many people leave and I rarely if ever hear from them, a guy starts to think that he is not wanted anymore. That is more the truth than anything that I have heard I guess. Sure when something is going on or going wrong people come to me, and I guess because it i the only chance that I get to see my loved ones or hear from them, I really relish that time, that closeness. There are those that this is not true for, and for that person all that I can say is simply thank you. But I guess that leaves everyone else wanting to use me for something that they want from me. Well almost everyone else. So many people see me in so many different lights that I sometimes forget what color the real brandon is, or maybe brandon is just another color of the author of this blog. That is something that I have not thought of. I guess that I just thought that brandon is the real me. maybe he is a fictitous person. I could be simply angel, though I would probably be happier with that. fenix, don moore, moore, son, cousin, nephew, best friend, closest friend are all parts of me, but I guess that each one seems incomplete. I am all of these parts, as everyone is in life, but for someone to now see me, experience me as all those parts, to share in some, seems impossible. I guess that it is just a rant and vent, but I really just want once to be the sum of my parts and maybe loved for that instead of a side, a face of me. But this comes back circle to the fact that right now, there is no one to share that, or maybe what hurts the most is that no one wants to share that with me, or can at this point. Which just leaves me aonar agus briste.