This is for Sarah

Time to get down to the gritty. I guess that I have never put this in simply because I never thought that Sarah would actually read my blog. But alas I was wrong. Sorry Sarah. But now to write to the world about the wonder that is Sarah. For those who do not know who Sarah is . . . well join the club (just kidding). Sarah has been one of the cornerstones of my life for the past close to three years. We were together for much of that time period, and yes together means boyfriend and girlfriend. We met at the WC and started dating fairly shortly after that. We moved into an apartment together after having some "problems" with my previous roomates. I think that it was during this time that I was probably the happiest that I have ever been, truth. We had to move to Yak Estates and it was there that we drifted apart. However, we are not together in the boy- girlfriend way right now. This was a hard time to go through, and we have both changed greatly since then, but the fact that she is there for me almost seems to be a universal truth. Granted we don't always see eye to eye and alot of you may think us like oil and water and in fact you are right in some regards it might be better to see us as two sides of one coin. We complement each other as people. She excels at many different fields and where she leaves off I ususally begin. Thus she means more to me than I can really aptly describe. What bond we have is something that I do not even know how to describe because there really are no words to describe them. All that I do know is that life would be extremely different without her in my life. Mostly bad. It seems that I go through alot that she has been the only one who wants to help with it. Now I don't mean to hurt anyone with this because you all help me when I need it, but imagine having to do it all of the time. This is the one of the many factors of Sarah's life. Now I will be the first one to say that she is different, but then again so am I, just in different ways. And truly it is these differences of hers that I am always interested in. Its the spice of life. Who knows what is between us but what I do know is that I would not be the person I am without her, and I would not like to find out who I would be either. I mean we have pretty much been everything that two people can be to each other save the mother/son and father/daughter relationships though some times its close (hahahahaha). But all in all I just wanted everyone to be able to read about her and for her to know that it was never because she wasn't important that she was not in here before but rather because I didn't think that she would ever read this.

No shouts for anyone on this post, its just for Sarah

More Thoughts and Ramblings. . .

I often wonder about people and the decisions that we make. I mean it seems as though everyone could only make the decisions that they do based upon the experiences that we have growing up. I have another thought to that as it also seems that who we are going or want to be also seems to take a part in that as well. Most of you know my main goal in life and for those of you who do not I guess that I should tell you. The only thing that I would like to be in this lifetime is a father and husband to someone that I love desperately. Everything else seems to just be a faucet of that goal. It seems that all of the decisions that I reach are based upon that goal. But at the same time most of the thoughts and decisions that I reach are not in my best interest. Now that may sound a little self-destructive and in some regards you are right, but the truth lies in other people's best interest. I stop to think about the whole of my life and I realize that for most of my life I have lived what it is that everyone else would like me to be. The good grades for all of these years have been for my parents, though yes I realize that they are important and yet limited. Like getting the great grades throughout high school to get into a good college. I mean I was Ivy accepted. But the realization that there was no way that I would be able to afford it was also a slap in the face. But I digress, the fact is that it seems that everyone has to learn from experience. Or in reality that is simply the nice name for it. The truth is that pain seems to be the only real teacher. I look at the lives of people who come to me with problems and realize that I could simply tell them what they should do as I see it to correct their lives but in reality no one would pay attention. These people's lives need to be lived out with the mistakes that they are going to make. Sorry but it just feels that I am many, many years older than I actually am. I think about what I should be worried about and really I don't see them as obstacles merely speed bumps. I just see everyone so upset and hurt and worried and I wish that there was something that I could do to be able to make them feel better. I know that was an overplayed line but it really is the truth. I just see so much pain and potential disaster that I hope that people will see it as well. I feel like I am being torn apart as well. I mean that every decision that I have had to make about life has been devode of a silver lining, or at least for me. Ah well, I guess that I just wish that I could have that one special love though knowing what a difficult guy I can be to simply live with... lets just hope that she is patient.

All right it is "shout out time"
Topher- All work and no play makes Topher a dull boy. Your work is always top of the line, so perfection can be toned down a bit. Make time for you and your special person in life.
Stebbie- I am so proud to have you in my life and to share our family. I really look up to you in that you show no fear or guilt in living your life your way. Your "Little" Bp is really proud of you.
Dad-You amaze me in that I doubt that at your "youthful" years I could do what you are. You have the all the help and tools that you will need to succeed, do not be too proud to use them.
Mom- You have been so many people's keystone to hold their lives together. And though some may not have turned out like you expected they have followed their dreams and that is what is important. Remember though, You taught them that. Be proud of yourself.
Kate- Take the time, seize the time, plan the time, to live a little everyday to enjoy all that is around you now so you can carry that into the future.
Last but definitely not least Sam- You are yourself and that is what people want to see in you. Don't ever lose the faith that you are special to people, you are to me for just being yourself. You have shown that your capacity to care makes you a rare person who needs to be treasured.

And for anyone else,
"The light at the end of the tunnel may just be You."

Later Days~b

Sorry

Hey sorry about taking so long to create a new post. Everything just got massively hectic. So here is the review cap for the last month. . .

First was finals and that was completly crazy. I had way to much, way too quick. And drama started.

Then I left for vacation to Kona. This was something that I needed so much. Being able to be away from all of the drama and to let myself think and feel again. This was a crucial step in saving Brandon's sanity. I got to heal and spend some quality time with my family and relax. I actually was dreading coming back to town.

I got back with like two weeks left of break and I spent most of that time taking care of the loose threads that I left when I went on vacation.

But now I am back and granted that was a massively abbreviated account of the last month but I guess that most of what happened involved other people and their lives and I don't want to have something here that they would not want.

Now however, school is back in session. I have seven classes that I am taking and all of them were a little more than I barganed for so we will see. I have more and more drama starting daily, but I think that I can handle it. We will see. This is especial for Kate though, Thank You for being the strength for the weak and the light at the end of the tunnel. Topher, you are the tree that holds everything together. Mom and Dad, for teaching me to remember. However, Sam if you ever read this remember how special you truly are.