Oddities and Some Realizations

You know it seems like I only really post when there are things that are bothering me. I mean to the point where my universe seems the darkest. I guess that I find venting about it seems to help a little. Who knows. I guess that one of the odd questions running through my mind is why is it that most women are born liars? I mean sure there are those that are true to their words but for the better part it seems like women play the opposite game all of the time. One minute they are saying that they would like a sensitive, intelligent, caring, nurturing guy (which in what my ego will allow I would say that I am) but in the next moment they are looking for the person that is gonna hurt them the most? Truly there is no consistancy to this thought. I realize that attraction has no rules, after all I myself am attracted to a wide variety of women on this planet for various reasons. The intelligent woman is attractive, one with a good heart and soul is another attraction, wonderous personality. In fact the one thing that does not rule the attraction for me is the one thing that men are supposed to be notorious about, the looks. Yes an attractive women is nice, but aren't most people attractive on some level? I mean there are those people whose very heart and soul come out in the way that they look and that in its own right is wonderous. A woman who looks good but that is either petty, or stupid (I mean really dumb, not just slow) is just not attractive to me at all. Women claim that this is true for them too. LIARS!!!!!! Or at least for the better part. While on that particular subject, how is it that people can still have feelings for those that treated them bad? I mean strong ones. Yes in the past there have been women who have done me wrong, but the affection that I have for them is that for a friend, or the rememberance of the good times. But in no way do I feel compelled to return to them at all. I guess that this is just something that I am never going to understand at all.
Also I wonder about myself these days. Why is it that I feel compelled to help people? I mean to listen to their problems, and maybe if I don't have the answer, guide them to it. Ok, for those that don't understand why this is a hard thing for me (the listening of problems) I honestly try to take those problems into my own heart and soul. I make my mind, body, heart and soul the battlefield. In many cases I draw upon my experiences to deal with them. Having to relive events and the like. But I guess that the saying, "With power comes responsibility, the greater the power the greater the responsibilty." This is one of the guiding principles of my life. Another is that golden rule, "Do on to others as you would have done onto you." I don't expect anything from anyone when I help them. However, there are alot of people who just come and vent or have me help in dealing with these problems, only to leave me high and dry when things go bad for me. They only seem to be concerned about themselves and that is just not right. People, listen, no matter how bad your life is there are always those that you love out there with problems that need help. Those problems may not be as bad as what you are going through but in truth perspective is the key. How we percieve our problems is the real degree of the "badness" of those problems. Granted I am just as guilty of blowing my problems out of proportion, but in honesty that is usually when I have nothing left inside of me. So after being used all of the time (or in many cases that is the way that it seems) I guess I wonder what leads me in that trap to begin with. Just that feeling of being unappreciated is a hard thing to deal with ya know?
Another question that I really ponder is why is it that I feel so alone all of the time? I mean there are times where I really feel like I am alone in the universe. Not neccessarily that I am unloved or the like. But more along the lines that no matter how much someone cares, I cannot share my life with them. I guess that part of that is the whole problem that I have with physical contact. Reminder to people, I really have no bubble at all. Honestly I can tell you that the only times that I have connected with someone, I mean really connected to the point that I didn't feel alone in the world, were those moments of intimate contact with another. (Note I said intimate not sexual). Anymore I don't even remember what it is like to have another human being touch me save in that hitting, slapping, or quick hug manner. So the next question that comes to mind is why do I have this problem?
Another thing that I am noticing is the difference in those that I have called friends. I mean for the better part (not entirely) those friends that I have had from high school are my aquantences. Those that I have met in college really seem to be my better friends. They are the ones that seem to care. Unfortunatly save two people, all of those closest friends are the ones that are gone away. Again I guess that I wonder why it is that I feel the way that I do.
All of these questions and feelings are driving me mad. Or to be honest (and this is worse) they are making me fill with anger. I mean there are so many times out there that I have dotted my i's and really tried to make sure that I have done everything that I can, only to be shortchanged. Ahhh, well only time can tell.